White Wave

my fault

2006-11-17T12:08:00.000+08:00

oh well! i know it was mu fault. i didnt study it thoroughly, im not quite sure why. all i know is that what i did wasnt enough. now, my credibilty is in question and my immediate boss was reprimanded again by our director.
at the very least i can say this is a learning experience and i promise i will do better next time.

finally... peace

2006-06-05T09:19:00.000+08:00

Until Saturday I was definite that I will be transferring to another church. Ive got it all planned: I will attend joan’s cell group by 2:30 and attend the service at 4pm. And also if time permits, the singles fellowship every Saturday night.

But when I woke up Sunday morning, God made it clear top me that He wants me to stay and commit myself again to my former church. He also had answers to all my questions. If I wanted growth, I just have to attend the Bible institute again. If I needed discipleship, I asked shelah and she was very much obliged to accept the challenge. That also answered my fellowship needs. For ministry, the church badly needs songleaders, and I haven’t been doing that for quite sometime now.

For my other questions that I cannot share in this blog, God’s spoke to me through a couple of verses.

“delight yourself in the Lod and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

“seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matt. 6:33

simply put, I should seek God and let Him be my ultimate source of joy, trust in Him and he will take care of everything.

Finally now, I find peace…

busy-busyhan

2006-05-22T10:14:00.000+08:00

at work...
im supposed to be doing a lot of fthings, too many backlogs and stuff. but it seems that im just doing "petiks" these past few days.
how i wish id have that enthusiasm again.
help!

try visiting my friend's blog said he, said she. its interesting.

swimming, shoots and sam

2006-04-07T08:34:00.000+08:00

I don’t like my complexion now. Ive became tan, more like brown. The good thing is, I am more confident with my swimming. I have somewhat been able to overcome my fear in deep water. Thanks to my ongoing swimming lessons.

As part of my job, I get to attend TV and print shoots. I enjoy it. Love the food, the break, the chickas and the “hated-sundo.” I even told everybody that my hand was on the crispy bangus commercial. I just don’t like staying up very late, sometimes till 4:30 am!
One more thing that makes shoots interesting is that I get to meet celebrities like Donna Cruz, Dir. Jun Reyes, Yam Laranas, and recently Sam milby.

Sam. Im not a fan. I even make fun of the way he sings Only You. But he’s really nice and down to earth. Im sure he’ll be able to attract more customers. Im glad he’s endorsing my “babies.”

feb

2006-02-03T07:30:00.000+08:00

i just love the weather in february! its cool, windy, cloudy. sometimes a few drizzle and some rays from the sun. for me, its perfect! i walk every morning singing in my head... "it felt like springtime, on this february morning... in the courtyard birds are singing your praise..."

what i dont like in feb is valentines day. nope, dont get me wrong... i know my valentines have always been cold, but thats not my reason. i just abhor the way this day has been commercialized. traffic is getting worse, malls are crowded, even the prices of flowers, not only roses, shoot up. plus, it seems like a person should be pitied for being unattached and dateless during this event. ugh!

2005

2006-01-03T09:20:00.000+08:00

whew! im just glad 2005 is over. ill summarize the year the easiest way i can.

GOOD NEWS
Jesus
Renovation
Promotion
New friends
Old friends
Bible Institute
Badminton

BAD NEWS
Adenomyosis
Debts
Attitude
Spiritual LIfe
Church
YA
"Honeytoast"
"Honeytoast"
"Honeytoast"
"Honeytoast"
Jason
Third
Weight
"Pirena"
Nokia 6260

now you know why im looking forward to this new year so badly :)

Fairytopia

2006-01-03T07:39:00.000+08:00

taken during our last Christmas party at NBC tent :)

holidays

2005-12-12T07:42:00.000+08:00

i just love Christmas. the music, the lights, the gifts, shopping, giving, the smiles on people's faces. Most of all, i love the way Christmas brings out the sentimental in me. Im not sure why, but there is something about this season that just makes me want to sit down outside in the morning with hot chocolate.
Come to think of it, this season wont be any different from the past years. but something inside me is telling me to look forward to this one.
I guess, for me this year it would be different in a sense that i am redefining my goals and making new dreams.

insanity

2005-11-05T08:55:00.000+08:00

some people say its insanity that i've waited for him for more than 3 years. they may be right. because i made my own monster. i didnt realize that we weren't on the same boat until it was too late. so now the pain is so unbearable. but can i blame myself for reacting the way i did? after all, what happened to me is not entirely my fault.

i may be insane, but i have seen the light.
i am releasing myself from this state of temporary insanity.
i am moving on...

smiles

2005-10-22T09:14:00.001+08:00

nobody seem to smile like this at work lately, especially this week. too much problems, enough with the blame game already! its not gonna solve anything.
i figured that i should post this picture from our caliraya trip to remind me of the times when all of us are jolly, not stressed or harassed from the demands of the king bee or should i say, "queen"?

ready

2005-10-18T08:00:00.000+08:00

how i long for the day when i am totally okay.
no hurt, bitterness or pain.
i know deep down ill be fine,
im just not yet ready for anything.

im glad for this closure, though
i have let go
now all i have to do is move on.

i just wish im ready for this.

silence

2005-10-07T12:53:00.000+08:00

...cant find the words to describe how i really feel...

rest

2005-09-23T10:21:00.000+08:00

finally! i get the rest day i deserve. im staying home today, to rest, relax and enjoy!

karen is leaving jollibee. i feel sad but at the same time im happy for her. she has a better opportunity in another company. yet i feel sad. she has become one of my closest friend, seatmate, diet buddy, confidant and sister in Christ. ill surely miss her.

tired

2005-09-17T08:21:00.000+08:00

waaah!
i really hate working on weekends because im not supposed to. im supposed to rest, relax and get my mind off stressful things in my life. BUT NO! i've been working for 2 weekends in a row because of this stupid inspection. im really, really mad! im so tired and stressed at work lately that i need some time for myself. i know its selfish, but i need to recharge. some days i would like to cut myself into four so that i can do the things i have to do. some days, i would just like to scream, agh!
right now im just thinking, things are gonna get better and its not always like this everyday.

me in sevens

2005-09-01T12:13:00.000+08:00

me in sevens

Seven things that scare me...
Hmm…for someone like me I have lots but here are some that I can think of
1.the future
2. fire
3. “taong grasa” or baliw na naglalakad sa kalye
4. crocodiles
5. accidents
6. rats, big ones
7. scary movies (that’s why I don’t watch them)

Seven things I like the most...
1. learning new things (hehehe)
2. praying
3. singing
4. chicka with friends
5. watching movies or tv
6. my hair
7. food (syempre!)

Seven important things in my room...
1. bed
2. clothes
3. my bag
4. tv and the whole entertainment system :D
5. memorabilias
6. full length mirror
7. my books

Seven random facts about me...
1. i think better in the morning, but prefer to exercise in the afternoon
2. I have security problems (kinda psychologically, haha!)
3. Christmas and my birthday are the two most important dates for me
4. I haven’t changed my hairstyle for 10 years now
5. I have a mole on my nose, between my eyes that very few people notice
6. im street smart ( I believe so)
7. my wisdom tooth hasn’t grown yet

Seven things i plan to do before i die...
1. go to seattle
2. be very good at something
3. record an album or join a band
4. get a masteral at something
5. watch the olympic games
6. watch a broadway musical
7. buy my own house

Seven things I can do...
1. sing
2. teach
3. counsel or be a good listener at least
4. cook (a little)
5. get along with different types of people
6. sense what other people are trying to say to me
7. study/analyze people

Seven things I can't do... (that I want to learn soon)
1. swim
2. drive
3. ride a bike
4. draw (my biggest frustration in life)
5. be confident about myself
6. make a major decision all by myself
7. lose some weight ( I need to lose a lot, actually)

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex...
1. mystery
2. lips
3. nose
4. clean looking
5. if he’s tall and lean (dapat pereho, di pwede isa lang)
6. passion for God
7. if he’s athletic/ physically fit

Seven things I say the most...
1. “ngek!”
2. “bangenge” – w/c means “slow learner”
3. “gudlak po!”
4. “kaya ko ‘to” or "kaya mo yan" or "kaya natin ito"
5. “yahoo!” or “yey!”
6. “actually”
7. “ok, surely!”

Seven celeb crushes...
1. topher grace
2. Jensen ackles
3. goran visnjic
4. AJ trauth
5. sanosuke segara (from samurai x)
6. paul walker
7. heath ledger

Seven people I want to take this quiz... (ill use codenames, hehehe)
1. belldandy
2. tenchi
3. sanosuke
4. honeytoast
5. deb chen
6. turkangel
7. vibe818

caliraya

2005-08-27T21:30:00.000+08:00

just came back from caliraya where our department had a planning for 2006. the place was great! too bad we just didnt have enough time to maximize it because we were in session most of the time, plus, it was raining. i would've loved to try out fishing, play table tennis (i haven't played in a long time) and swim.

the best thing that happened was that i now have products to handle. for a few weeks now, i felt that my boss was very careful in giving me assignments eversince i turned down the training for International Operations. i felt that im not yet ready and equipped for that. so, im not leaving the country anytime soon, and im happy with it even if most people were disappointed with my decision.

so im just thrilled for 2006, because i now know what to focus on (at least for the time being). i'll be handling desserts (yum :D), breakfast (my favorite meal of the day!) and supermeals (goodbye diet!). ill still take care of inspection, physico-chemical analysis, expanded tests and product shoots. ill be the back-up for documentation, raw mat specs update and RFA's. it seems that ill be very busy with work, which i really prefer to keep me "sober".

about the "blow" entry, those people from purchasing promised that they wouldn't tell ----- . whew! that's a relief. coz i dont want to start feeling conscious when he's around, especially now that we're starting to be friends.

what am i thinking!!! my heart needs rest for crying out loud!

blow

2005-08-14T11:37:00.000+08:00

i had another blow this week. first was related to my "sober" entry and the second one happened at beng's despidida last friday night.

i have my sights on a guy from purchasing and all my officemates know about it. he was invited to the party but wasnt able to come, but 5 purchasing people came. on a charades game, lala was acting the movie freddy vs. jason, she was pointing at me and looking at madel with teasing eyes. when madel guessed it, the purchasing people gasped and shouted "crush nya si jason!" i wanted to walk-out but i realized the timer was with me. i was so embarrased! now they know, i dont have a face to show them. everytime i sang that night i was being teased to whom it was dedicated to. if they only knew what happened to me that week! i keep telling myself that its not a big deal, how i wish im right.

actually the whole week was terrible for almost everybody in the office. karen got sick; lala's father-in-law died; my "sober" episode; sol got scolded again, by her superior; glenda left her husband; mylene committed a work-related mistake; madel is under observation because of a painful lump. but in times like these that we get stronger bonding, it shows how much we support each other and that we can rely on each other through tough times. that's what makes R&D such a wonderful place to work in.

sober

2005-08-10T15:50:00.000+08:00

these past few weeks have been quite difficult for me. i dont even have words to write in this blog, knowing that other people are reading it. i can just express myself through the lyrics of a song by jennifer paige. just read between the lines, guys :)

sober

Girl meets boy, girl goes crazy
Boy looks away, she gets her heart broken
No words are spoken
Boy comes back and acts
As if everything is cool
Soon she's got him back on a pedestal
She only sees what she wants to see
Love is blind, love is so misleading

Chorus:
I see the light, oh what a light
And I am sober
All that you served to me
No longer will I drink it in
I took the time to think it over

I see the you that I never knew
Now it's finally sinking in
I am sober

Girl wakes up and smells the coffee one day
Realizes she's on her own again
All alone again
Boy takes every opportunity
To play on every insecurity
Get her back on track
She's in a daze, back in the fire
But will she cave into her old desires

beng

2005-08-08T11:36:00.000+08:00

they told me not to be deceived of her sweet, angelic looks, because once you get to know her your first impression will definitely not last.

she is such a wacky, good-humored person. seems very frail and talks slow. but once her jokes come out, i fell out of my chair or get a tummy ache.

she's like "always on drugs"

she's called "the misinterpreter" in our office, because she always give a different meaning about everything. not in a negative or offending way, but in a funny, "crack-me-up" kinda way.

she's married to a physicist (whose friend was a physics professor with whom me and my college friends had a crush on).

she has a very cute son, damien.

she is good-natured, polite, supportive and reliable.

she is going to japan next month and her last day will be on friday.

we'll miss her. for sure i will because i found a friend in her.

whisper

2005-07-29T08:19:00.000+08:00

im in a low tide these days, i just feel like whispering. so i just want to share the lyrics of the song Whispering Waves by Donna Summer. I couldnt believe that she's capable of having a very melancholic tune like this, i just love this song. i feel like floating in the air...

WHISPERING WAVES

by the shore of the sea searching for his memery
sifting sand through my hand weighing what he means to me
in the early morning haze, seagulls seem to cry my pain
and ocean feels it too sighs his name on whispering waves

wrote his name next to mine big and deep there in the sand
till the earth tends to flow and our names will be drowned
all the birds sing harmonies to the top line of the breeze
while the ocean brreathes his name on whispering waves

there's a bistro and we would dine each evening
candle light and california wine
lovers holding hands across the table
i still go past each night
look for his car outside

at the food of this cliff we spent days weavingo ur dreams
making plans building homes raising kids and coloring scenes
then one morning he was gone and our story reached an end
but his words still linger on on whispering waves

by the shore of the sea searching for his memory
sifting sand through my hand weighing what he means to me
all the birds sing harmonies to the top line of the breeze
while the ocean breathes his name on whispering waves.

still

2005-07-20T08:20:00.000+08:00

"be still... and know that i am God." - ps 46:10

these are the Words that spoke to me when i woke up this morning. i just have to have and live in faith in spite of everything thats happening around me and with me.

* be still...even in the political and economical instability our country is facing right now. who knows what will happen in the coming days?

* be still...even if i can't clearly see my path here at work. i know im being trained for International Operations, but do i really want that? im too scared even to imagine myself going to a foreign land and work there.

* be still...even if we have been losing some badminton games, while winning some, as long as im gaining acquaintances, friends and a tournament experience.

* be still...even for the fact that its the 2nd half of july already and i dont have a clue what will happen about the thing that ive been praying for in years. i thought im supposed to know the answer by july, so far im mistaken.

* be still...even if at the end of the day, i lie down at night swamped in sorrow and sometimes cry myself to sleep, because in the morning i have renewed hope that helps me face the day ahead.

red

2005-07-09T09:38:00.000+08:00

my right eye is red again. it has been red everytime i wake up for the the past few weeks. i know i should see a doctor about this, its just that i dont have the time. hopefully this week, ill get the chance to see an opthalmologist.

nadia's wedding is today, and i haven't decided what to wear yet. i don't have a big part but it would be nice to look presentable on the occasion

i lost on my forst badminton game last thursday. while playing, im seeing the competitive side of me. a side that i dont really admire. but karen said that all of us have a competitive side so i should be ok with it. also, i realize that i am a sore loser :(

acoustic

2005-07-03T18:15:00.000+08:00

im having a blast learning and playing badminton. our office tournament will start this thursday, i hope i've learned enough to compete. my partner, jenni, is quite good and she's teaching me some techniques as well.

but i have to switch soon and focus on my music career. hah! as if i have one. but we will have an acoustic night with another church on july 22, i'll be singing 5 songs! i miss singing, im not really good at it but, its one thing i enjoy doing.

anyway, nad is going home from dubai tomorrow and we'll throw him a welcome party on thursday.

oscar

2005-06-28T07:19:00.000+08:00

i have a tiger oscar fish creatively named, OSCAR. he was a gift given by my aunt on my birthday. i believe he's smart, coz he knows those people who feed him everyday. right now he's as big as my hand. but suddenly, he became weak and doesnt respond to us anymore. he's been like this for 3 days.

i really hope he's alright. by the way, we're not sure if oscar is a he or a she :)

porkchop

2005-06-25T16:33:00.000+08:00

its a saturday and im here at work working on porkchop. i could just hear aleks saying "huwag masyadong magpaalila sa bubuyog." but what can i do, i have to be here.

im excited for the badminton tournament to start.

im starting to think, that i can write whatever i want on my blog site, nobody's reading this anyway, except maybe some of my loyal friends who are also into blogging. but lately, it seems that the blogging excitement has faded. aleks haven't tap danced in a while; lizzie wasn't in an elaborative mood; gludsie became really serious; jeb took a break on fishing. i guess im the only one who's not busy enough to take a step into the shore. or maybe i have something to write about, nah... all these prokchop is getting into me.

nba

2005-06-24T09:53:00.000+08:00

spurs won the championship! yahooo!!!

i have to go to work tomorrow, we have a consumer test and aileen, who's supposed to supervise it, is sick. oh, never mind, looking at it at the right perspective, at least i have one free day to offset.

here's a sample pic from our zambales outing:

w/officemates in zambales

spurs

2005-06-22T07:47:00.000+08:00

its 3-2! haha, go spurs! im not really a spurs fan, i just dont want detroit to win the championship again.

i didnt go to work yesterday. i was not feeling well and my right eye was red again. i really have to see a doctor about this.

another reason why i didnt want to go to the office yesterday is i dont want to see my boss. im afraid she'd tell me to stay in the commissary for a month. of course, i want to learn, but the timing is really off. we have badminton games every monday and thursday this july.

kate

2005-06-20T07:01:00.000+08:00

im reading A Remarkable Woman by Anne Edwards. this is the biography of Katharine Hepburn. I've read her autobiography entitled Me. Im a fan and i dunno why. she's stubborn and a "diva", but she's also strong-willed, intellectual and a great actress.

im so fascinated with this woman!

bo

2005-06-17T07:26:00.000+08:00

im such a huge fan of bo bice. i love listening to his voice. it would've been perfect if he won the 4th season of AI. carrie's ok, but i still prefer bo. i can't wait for his album to be released.

i joined our office's badminton tournament, some of us from R&D joined. too bad i dont have any teammate from our department.

Send

2005-06-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

I met with Dat Nguyen yesterday, a vietnamese missionary from Victory. He presented to me his ministry and wanted me to be one of his ministry partners. I wasn't intending to give financial support, but in his entire presentation, one word struck me... "SEND." i always knew i was meant to be a sender, so even in my own little way, i said yes to the challenge. Fem said, "God spoke to me and she believes that i will be greatly blessed through Dat's ministry. At this point, we need to be consumed with God's purposes. That's thats the only remedy for hope deferred that makes the heart sick." I couldn't agree more.

Speaking of sending, my boss is sending me to immerse in our commisarry in canlubang, laguna, for a month! i dont like plant work, but it is her directions and i believe this move will equip me more especially if they're thinking of making me a part of International Operations, i heard they needed someone to go to china in july. scared, im not ready yet.

refreshed

2005-06-13T16:47:00.000+08:00

im feeling spiritually refreshed after yesterday. im not in deep sorrow anymore and i know i was able to nullify the enemy's lies, with God's help of course.

yesterday i lead the praise and worship at church again after a long time. we also resumed with bible institute and our topic, pauline theology. im excited about that. we also had a monopoly fellowship that ended up discussing plans for forming a band. ill help them by being the producer. my first assignment, how to get them to perform in jam sesions! we wlso need to scout for a good recording studio. and while we're doing this, we'll start practicing for Dicken's wedding, where we, like always, are in charge of the music.

im recovering from my spiritual and social drought. im just glad!

psalm 27

2005-06-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

i knew the enemy was starting to decieve me, the moment i felt deep sorrow a few days ago.
i was so sad for a couple of days, lies were getting into my head.
then last night, i was feeling unimportant, insignificant
like people are not interested in my life, people dont care about me.
i have to snap out of this
these are all lies

then i came across psalm 27...
i believe that soon everything will be fine again

sad

2005-06-09T18:21:00.000+08:00

i cried last night after not having cried for such a long time.
before, crying was a regular occurence in my life. but i noticed that i dont cry now as much as i did before. now, i cry for valid reasons only especially when im sad.
last night was an example, i was in deep sorrow that i needed my friends to pray for me. i was so sad for reasons too personal for me to write.
only God knows why...

drought

2005-06-06T07:00:00.000+08:00

i have been in a ministry drought lately.

i havent been involving in church ministries, every sunday i only attend the praise and worship and message then i go home. i dont attend fellowships, prayer meetings, bible studies, etc.

but believe it or not, my walk with God is fine, my prayer life is good and my bible reading has been relevant.

all these is because im not getting anything from the messages every sunday. i dont like the way our pastor is preaching. i feel that it is so shallow and it doesnt feed me anymore. im looking for more doctrinal messages, not trivial.

but i still love my church. so this sunday, ill be leading the praise and worship again.. we'll also start having Bible Institute, a bible study that focuses on doctinal topics.

hopefully, i wont be in a drought soon.

Bacolod

2005-06-04T18:37:00.000+08:00

a city of smiles indeed! very clean, friendly and warm city.
great food too! i love seafoods and sweets and chicken inasal.
i had a jet lag, but ill wont hesitate to go back to bacolod anytime.

sick

2005-06-01T17:04:00.000+08:00

my colds are getting worse and we're leaving for bacolod tomorrow.
oh i hate getting sick! i feel terrible...

everybody in our small office is being investigated for the loss of m'Belle's cellphone a couple of days ago. we used to feel safe in the office because we know we can trust the people around us and anybody cant just come in.

newbie

2005-06-01T07:16:00.000+08:00

i've decided to create a new blog link.
my other link became too personal that i cannot allow other people to read it. i just have to close it.

tomorrow, Lala and i are going to Bacolod. it will be my first plane ride, yahoo!!!

im really a newbie, in so many ways...